This email really got sent by a legislative liaison at the University of North Texas, and we have been assured — emphatically — that the lieutenant governor's office didn't have anything to do with it, although it's a charity tournament for legislators and lobbyists that's headlined by David Dewhurst.
Subject: Lt. Gov. Tournament Confirmation
This email is to confirm your registration in the 2008 Lt. Governor's Golf Tournament. The Tournament is scheduled for a 1:00 pm Shotgun start May 27th at Colonial Country Club, 3735 Country Club Circle, Fort Worth Texas. If you registered for a team, this information is only being sent to you so please forward to your players. If you need to make any changes to your team please contact the Tournament Office at 817-xxx-xxxx. After the 24th of May you may call my cell phone at 817-xxx-xxxx. On the date of the outing the Colonial Golf Shop number is 817-xxx-xxxx. (Since the Club is closed that day the main number will not be answered). Registration begins at 11:00 am and lunch will be delivered to your cart prior to the tee time. That is the important info....the following are answers to various questions we have been asked.
Yes, Sen. Fraser, knowing that your golf game could have fallen apart Monday night although you have now played more consecutive days that Zaffirini has voted, the driving range will be open at noon that day. To Pat Haggerty, of course you are invited...just don't pull a mission impossible and tear off your mask to reveal that you are really Jerry Yost. To Seidlits if you can crawl down off that pile of money you made in the buyout you can play again with David Cain, just don't tell him that he is no longer a Senator...we are trying to let him down slowly.
To Mario Munoz, yes I understand, new job, new boss and after over 20 years at Capitol you have only had time to meet one legislator, yes he is playing and yes we will try to put you together. Yes, Goolsby you will again play as a single. To Rob Orr..someone has asked to play with you... being a Chairman is cool isn't it? To Time Warner we got your list of who you want to play with and the list of who you do not want AT&T to play with. To AT&T we got your list of who you want to play with and who you do not want Time Warner to play with. As soon as the pairing committee finishes with it's conflict resolution class we will get back with you. Yes, it is the good Rob Johnson (Lt. Gov's) that is playing.
Yes, Rick Donley we got your stuff and you can bring you punk a.. Champions golf game to a real course. Buster we still need your stuff, no we water Colonial from the Trinity River and you don't own it yet. To any elected official playing who desires to serve in Congress at some point..Lockheed Martin would like to play with you before you have a chance to vote to sell the F-35 to Taiwan. Winn glad to see Diageo is registered we will attempt to accommodate your request, the Committee drinks Crown Royal and Vodka. To former Rep. Dean Cobb, sorry you cannot be here, we are happy that you are the Chairman of the Travis County Grand Jury, but I bet the Hookers and Bookies are happier. Finally to Charlie Evans, please, please, please quit sending X-Out golf balls as your donation, it has gotten embarrassing. Hope everyone read this on their Blackberry.
Danny